ugh

Okay let me just bitch for a moment. I’m tired, hungry, and need to pee every hour on the hour. So not cool My bladder isn’t very big to begin with, but it’s getting pretty annoying. Of course I need to drink enough water so that doesn’t help at all. It’ll get better I am sure…

Yesterday, they took like 6 vials of blood out of me. This is for a full work-up some of it not really pregnancy related, but things they wanted to look at regarding some problems I’ve been having. I thought I was going to faint right there. I have a terrible time getting blood drawn and quick to faint, but everything went fine. We also took a peek at a few things on your baby maybe need list. Shit is expensive lemme tell you. My family though is willing to help out a bit which is nice. Everyone is excited about having a pair of twins in the family. I think my mother was more giddy than me.

Aside from all that I’m doing all right and so are babies. I feel them moving around in there every once in awhile. I think I felt Baby B yesterday. Not sure though it’s so hard to tell, but Baby A is on my left side down in my pelvis it’s very doubtful he will move any further up given his placenta placement. Baby B is further up and on my right side with a her/his placenta out in front so it’s why I haven’t felt much from her/him. Baby A moves a whole lot more. Either way, it was really exciting because it was a good kick/roll/whatever. My little boo still isn’t quite convinced there is babies in there. The idea of two siblings isn’t that exciting to him I suppose lol.

Though in 2 weeks we’ll know what Baby B is boy/girl. I’m really not that excited. I’m more anxious than anything. I feel like a terrible mom, but I’m scared/nervous about them both being boys. I have one son and we know that one of the twins is a boy for sure, but the mere thought of a third boy scares the crap outta me. I guess it’s because this is likely our last children I’ve always wanted a little girl. I have tons of clothes that I bought for my daughter that will never get used. I don’t even have the heart to give them away. I really want a girl and I’m nervous that I won’t be as attached to these babies if they both end up being boys. It does not help that I know some of my family is disappointed that one is a boy. We don’t have many girls in our family so I know some people in the family were counting on two girls. I know my husband’s mother is also really wanting a granddaughter. She only had one kiddo my husband and she had always longed for a girl.

Of course I know I love these babies because I am worried every single night that we’ll go to my appointment be told “Sorry, your babies passed” or “Sorry, but one of them passed”. I feel like I am in a sea of emotions and I don’t feel like I am having twins. Sure my belly looks hugeo and we’ve seen them on the ultrasounds, but I still don’t feel like it’s “real”. I’m hoping the further I get the more I’ll stop fearing the worst. Sorry, this was kind of emo. I just can’t wait until pregnancy is over and I can hold my babies.